A few days ago, while flicking through the channels after the evening news, I stopped when America's favorite game came across my screen. Although I'm not as avid of a "Wheel Watcher" as my spouse, with my own Spin ID number and all, there was nothing much else on until 8:00 and I do sometimes enjoy yelling at the stupidity of the contestants on occasion. As usual, after Vanna revealed all the letters of the first puzzle, Pat gave each of the players the opportunity to have their individual 15 seconds of notoriety and tell us all a little about themselves. You know.... kids, spouses, where they live and oh yeah....their jobs. Seeing as Sajak has been hosting this show for close to three decades, it would be a pretty safe bet to assume that he has heard every oddball occupation that has ever stepped up to spin the wheel. That is, until blue spinner Trudy Neill showed up this past Monday. In all my years of watching this show, on and off, it was the first time I could recall Pat having to ask a contestant to define exactly what their employment was because he couldn't even presume a guess.
Mrs. Neill, who has been married to Robert for thirteen years, told Pat, Vanna and the rest of America who were tuned in that she was a visual merchandiser. Wait.... You may ask yourselves, What the hell is that?, my fellow Observers, and rightly so. I have to admit I was at as much of a loss as you or Pat until she stated that dressing mannequins was in her job description and it all became clear. In other words, my loyal reader, Mrs. Neill is a window dresser. They must have had to edit out Sajak's reaction as well as the audience's, for that matter.
For as much as I immediately wanted this self important retail display dolt to hit "Lose a Turn" every time she spinned, I must acknowledge that she is not alone in this practice of inflating the importance of her job and is by far not the worst. Americans in general seem to have this fixation on making occupations, situations or even medical and social conditions sound more elaborate than what they actually are, especially in the last few decades. When I was a kid the person that cleaned our school was called a janitor. There was even a cleaning product called "Janitor in a Drum". Later on in my life, he or she was called a custodian. Now a days they are considered maintenance specialists. The guy on the back of the truck was called a garbage man. Then he became a sanitation worker. Now I've heard them called waste management artisans. Back then the person in the front room of an office was called a secretary. They've even had their own "day" since 1952, but that wasn't good enough... no, no, no.... because a short time later they wanted to be called executive assistants. Now they prefer the title administrative professional. Someone who washes cars went from car washer to car detailer to auto appearance mechanic. Mechanic?!?! I didn't realize a wash rag was classified as a tool. I suppose it's just a matter of semantics depending on who you ask. As far as I'm concerned calling a drug dealer a public pharmacist, a landscaper a plant manager or a professional cheerleader an athletic supporter would make as much, if not more sense and are just as funny and ridiculous to me as the job classifications being used at present.
This country is absolutely in love with the concept that if you make something sound important it will become important. Not only does this abstraction of conceit make some who believe they have meaningless jobs feel better about themselves, it makes the rest of us who live in a more factual, call it what it is, reality want to upchuck every time we are made to say phrases like exterior access operator when we are referring to a doorman. Maybe they feel if their job sounds more significant, their Christmas tips will be more so as well.....I could be wrong though.
As if some of the aforementioned weren't bad enough, it gets even worse in some cases. Have you ever heard of a colour distribution specialist? Sure you have, only most of us call them painters. I'm sure more than a few of you have purchased something from a mobile cuisine facilitator out of a food truck or bought a paper from a media distribution expert. Ever been thrown out of a bar by an attitude adjustment professional or been cut off on the highway by a freight relocation specialist? You must have had your car filled up by a petroleum transfer engineer at one time or another. It goes on and on and on. A cafeteria worker is now a nutrition consultant. A collection operative used to be a vegetable or fruit picker. Mass production engineer = factory worker. Subway runs ads for sandwich artists. Hospitality director = hostess. Visual technician = window washer. A salesperson or clerk is no longer satisfied being referred to as a customer service representative. Now they prefer customer enhancement consultant. Hygiene technician = dishwasher. Environmental hygienist = road sweeper. It is also never a good idea not to tip a nourishment consultant if you want good service the next time you visit your favorite restaurant.
It may indeed sound like I'm exaggerating and I wish I was. Every one of these ludicrous titles has been used in want ads, on resume's and have actually been scratched into nametags at your local mall, school, bar, restaurant or cafeteria. What I don't seem to understand in all this is.... why? Why do we feel the need to make things sound better than we perceive them to be in reality? Are we really that ashamed of a menial job that we have to raise the standard in the way we refer to it to make ourselves less embarrassed for doing it? We've all been there. We have all had to work jobs that lacked luster and we would rather not do in order to put food on the table, keep the lights on and a roof over our heads, even more so if you have children. So I ask people who feel the need to call themselves sanitation technicians while cleaning motel rooms, what exactly are they ashamed of? I personally would be more flustered explaining what my fancy sounding occupation actually was than I would just outright telling someone I clean toilets at a sports stadium.
The funny thing is, that as I was thinking back on my youth while attending technical school, the way we referenced jobs was exactly the opposite. We intentionally made fun of each other in the vocations that we chose to learn. Carpenters were woodpeckers. Mechanics were grease monkeys. Sheet metal workers were tin knockers. Draftsman were pencil pushers and plumbers were pipe rats. We cited these titles with pride. Didn't bother me to be compared to a bird. I went to the extent of slapping a Woody Woodpecker sticker on my yellow shop hardhat.
The problem we face in this day and age is that for some reason, no matter what is concerned, nothing is ever good enough anymore. Job descriptions, salaries, housing, schools, customer service, products.... whatever is in question.....it all falls short of the mark for our satisfaction. We've become intolerant of not only our society, but within how we address each other and how we make our living to the point that we believe we have to change the way we designate both. We invoke fancier ways to describe our status and situation in order to help feed the illusion that we can improve them by doing so. The hard reality that we have to accept is that mere words will not revise or upgrade our individual condition. We are only lying to ourselves in the very way we are defining our circumstances. Until we find a way to accept ourselves for who we are and what we do, we will continue to land on "Bankrupt". Strictly an Observation. If you'll excuse me, I'd like to buy a vowel.
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